I don’t do new year’s resolutions. I have always maintained that if there is something i don’t like or something i need to change, i shouldn’t be waiting for the start of a new year. That said, about 9 years ago I found myself feeling a little melancholy one NYE. I had returned from four years in the UK a month or two earlier – a spectacular failure of a relationship had left me feeling vulnerable, doubting my self-worth and a little fragile. I’d had a number of months in the UK after it’s predictable and mundane end to try and find my way but returning home to Melbourne had put me a little off kilter again as I tried to find my feet and where I ‘fit’ back in my old life.
I had a discussion with a friend about happiness and it suddenly hit me (an epiphany if you will) that happiness needed to come from within me. I made a resolution that I would no longer rely on other people to make me happy, rather I would look within myself to find it. Not to say that other people don’t or can’t make me happy, of course. Hindsight tells me it was a good resolution and after a time I no longer needed to fake it until I made it.
Fast forward to now and it occurred to me that perhaps the next step is to make peace with myself. While my 30’s have brought me confidence in being me and have also delivered a wonderful partner and children, I still feel that I am on the cusp of change but there is some intangible thing holding me back and clouding my vision from seeing what it may be. Add to that there are things I don’t like about me (stay tuned for my next blog on weight loss and exercise!).